REALWORLD Parents Newsletter…latest edition

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens

In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.

http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo

Automagically = something that happens automatically, but that also has some mysterious, “magical” element to it. “Smart” appliances, features, etc. that do intelligent things with less help than you might expect

Mantrum = when a grown man throws a tantrum when he can’t have his way

3. Links to Learn From

Fort Hood Shooting: Five tips to help parents talk to their kids about violence in the news
http://www.examiner.com/x-14708-Toddlers-to-Teens-Examiner~y2009m11d6-Fort-Hood-Shooting-Five-tips-to-help-parents-talk-to-their-kids-about-violence-in-the-news

Teenage pregnancy does not discriminate
http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=861929&category=OPINION

Hunger in America: Half of Our Kids on Food Stamps
http://chattahbox.com/us/2009/11/03/hunger-in-america-half-of-our-kids-on-food-stamps/

4. A Little Encouragement…And Humor

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Did you know?

I am getting a bit of a reputation at work….:(

I am now known as the “social media guy”…still trying to figure out if I should take it as an insult?

Far beyond the title is the fact that social media continues to explode, evolve, morph and push the boundaries of possibilities.  What appears to be mind blowing today will likely be extinct in a few years.

Some are excited (I am right now …after receiving my Google Wave invite – what’s a Google wave?  click here) others are skeptical…and there continues to remain a camp that appear to have their heads in the sand.

To the latter group I give you this…(take this as a “wake up & smell the coffee” people…our world is changing every second.)

Thoughts from INFUSION CONFERENCE

Two weeks ago I had the privilege of attending the Infusion Conference here in Calgary.  For me conferences like this are no longer about acquiring more information that is never implemented – but conferences like this bring clarity and inspiration that I desperately need during this new vocational transition.

Reggie Joiner (@reggiejoiner)is the CEO of The reThink Group, “a team of innovative writers, thinkers, planners, creators, and do-ers who are devoted to influencing those who influence the next generation.” He is the author of Think Orange: Imagine the Impact When Church and Family Collide. He is also one of the founders of North Point Community Church, where Andy Stanley is the pastor.

Here are a few highlights of some of his takeaways:

Most of us have been influenced by the church, but all of us have been influenced by the family.

As a leader, if you want to influence the church—or any institution—you must start with the family.

Somewhere along the way, we developed a picture of the perfect family and what it should be like. (He held up a picture of a stock photo of the perfect family and noted that it doesn’t really exist.)

If we hold on too tightly to an ideal picture, we set up families to become disillusioned.

God never really gives us an example of an ideal picture of the family in Scripture. They are all broken.

Your calling as a leader should not be to get families to conform to some ideal picture.

There are two different approaches to influencing the family:

• The ideal picture approach.
• The better story approach.

Parents don’t need a better picture, they need to be invited into a bigger story. This is the story of restoration and redemption that God is telling through their particular family.

God doesn’t use perfect pictures, he uses broken people.

He then went onto share some thoughts (SHEMA) from Deuteronomy 6:4–9. It says:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

This passage is an exhortation to parents/ leaders/ community. It basically says that if you take the “bigger story approach,” you will:

1. Imagine the end. It starts with God and ends with God.
2. Fight for the heart. This is everything. If you don’t have your children’s hearts, you don’t have anything.
3. Make it personal. This is not merely a “Sunday faith.” This is an everyday faith. You must teach your children every day in every way.
4. Create a rhythm. If you are counting on the church to influence your children, they only have about 40 hours a year to do so. However, parents have about 3,000 hours a year to influence their children. Clearly, the church can never do the job parents can do.
5. Widen the circle. Hebrew parents didn’t try to raise their children alone. They had the help of the entire community. It does take a village. Children who have mentors and coaches outside their family are more likely to be lead healthy and successful lives.

Perhaps this video will provide even more clarity – I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Agree?  Disagree?  Is this a new paradigm shift?  Or did we simply buy into a more programmed approach a few years back?

Latest edition of Realworld Parenting

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens

 

In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.

http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo

Automagically = something that happens automatically, but that also has some mysterious, “magical” element to it. “Smart” appliances, features, etc. that do intelligent things with less help than you might expect

Mantrum = when a grown man throws a tantrum when he can’t have his way

3. Links to Learn From

Fort Hood Shooting: Five tips to help parents talk to their kids about violence in the news
http://www.examiner.com/x-14708-Toddlers-to-Teens-Examiner~y2009m11d6-Fort-Hood-Shooting-Five-tips-to-help-parents-talk-to-their-kids-about-violence-in-the-news

Teenage pregnancy does not discriminate
http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=861929&category=OPINION

Hunger in America: Half of Our Kids on Food Stamps
http://chattahbox.com/us/2009/11/03/hunger-in-america-half-of-our-kids-on-food-stamps/

4. A Little Encouragement…And Humor

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Lest we forget…Do you really want to be free?

As our Nation stops for a few minutes today to honour those who have died and those who continue to fight for our freedom…that word “FREEDOM”  is resonating in my spirit.

The majority of us take our freedom for granted.  Freedom to choose our own path…freedom to vote…freedom to make choices that can bring blessing or dire consequences.

But are we truly FREE?

Freedom!!… is no doubt the cry of every teenage heart.

I want to be free to do my own thing.

I want to be free of the crazy rules my parents have for me.

I want to be free from the teachers and coaches and everyone who put a burden on me.

Freedom. Songs are written about it. Movies plots are thick with it. People have died for it.

But do we really know what freedom is? Most people wrongly assume that real freedom means doing whatever you want, no rules, no restrictions.

Jesus made it very clear –  that isn’t freedom at all. That’s actually slavery. You see…Jesus came to this earth to offer two things. Truth and freedom… and the two are always linked.

He said that anyone who sins is a slave. Sadly we now live in a culture that sees sin as FREEDOM of choice…but sin is a cruel slave master, demanding all of you, giving you nothing in return.

Ask the alcoholic who finds his home on a park bench.

Ask the drug addict who sees his entire future stripped away.

Ask the gambler who loses his reputation &  family.

Ask the inmate whose “freedom” hurt others and got him a life sentence.

WE call that FREEDOM?. Looks more like bondage to me? But what Jesus offers is something beautiful. Real, true, spiritual freedom.

In John 10:10 Jesus says that he has come to give us life – life to the full. Jesus says this is the life that opens your eyes up to the truth. What is the truth? The truth is Jesus Himself, the way the truth and the life.

What does the truth do? It sets you free.

The challenge is that we live in a society that says,” living for Jesus is so restrictive, old school, it is too narrow and confining.”

But a life lived for God is only freedom.

Do you really want to be free?

Digital Discretion Advised

Talking to many students in regards to social networking – they all make the comment that there is “comfort” within this form of relationship.

Even though you’re publishing content for all the world to see, you really don’t have to face the public who might (you hope) stumbles across your words.

In the privacy of your home or office, its just you and a computer screen. So we tend to let loose and speak in a way we may not if we actually had to let those words lose from our mouths.

This creative flow is one of the strengths of the connected generation. It allows for unedited expression and perceived connection with people miles away.

But this lack of digital inhibition can be a major weakness. Because as we sit with manufactured courage in the privacy of our office space, we’re publishing words to the world that may come back to haunt us in a variety of ways. Not to mention we are also in the process of we’re creating a digital paper trail that could easily affect our God-given calling in the future.

I heard it many times growing up, “If everything we thought or said was made public, we’d be ashamed.” Now, it seems everything everyone hears or says is being made public, but we’re not ashamed.

Now, I’m a huge fan of the digital age. I’m on Facebook & Twitter. But I’m worried about a culture that is slowly lacking the ability to think before it speaks. The journey from mind to mouth to keyboard to web happens so fast, it lacks the necessary self-editing skills we had before the computer age was born.

Communication is clearly not going back to a previous age and I don’t think it should. 21^st century tools have made the world smaller, creating new channels for the transmission of truth and hope and light.

We all need to self-edit before we press send or share or publish. Are the words we are blasting to cyberspace words we’d be proud to claim in a roomful of dignified people?

Are they words peppered with affirmations of God’s grace? Do they show strains of self-absorption by revealing too much about ourselves? Private things that nobody but our loved ones needs to know?

Definitely something to think about…what are your thoughts?

Turn the Lights Off when you leave!!

The big talk around youth ministry circles these days has to do with two perspectives:

Yes!  believe it or not there is still youth pastors meeting as I write this blog ( in Cincinnati  at the National Youth Convention) who are asking the old age question…”So dude, how big is your youth ministry?”

To that question I politely say, “WHO GIVES A FLYING RIP!”…the real issue that we need to be talking about and questioning is …”WHY ARE STUDENTS CHECKING OUT OF CHURCH?”

• Is it no longer relevant?
• Are they tired of spectating?
• Are they done with the institution?

A good friend of mine (Brett Ullman) recently posed a blog entry talking about this whole subject…he also gives the viewer some great insights into a resource…take a look for yourself

Who Am I? & Who Are You?

I can’t stop thinking about the impact that parents have on their kids!

There is that old addage that says something about “nurture over nature” …in some ways I might agree with that statement.  But I must admit I get a little ticked when I hear people say …“todays youth can’t be all God wants them to be until they confess all of the sins of their parents.”

That statement keeps running through my head…I wonder..”how many of these kids I work with really even know there parents?”  The fact is there are many teens who have no clue who there parents really are!  So how does a student confess the sins of their parents when they don’t even think there parents have ever sinned?

I can’t even begin to tell you how many students over the past 20 years have said to me; “I can’t relate to my parents…and they do not relate to me – I have issues and my parents have never had issues.”   What kind of influence are we having on our kids when we appear to be the “Cleaver” family?  I’m not saying we need to download all of our messyness onto our kids – but what I am saying is that we need to be authentic and vulnerable and at least be willing to admit when we have messed up.

We can never lose sight of the fact that we all have inherited a “sin nature” from our parents and if that nature is kept unchecked sin can be repeated from generation to generation. The problem with that mindset is that many have used it as an excuse to remain in disobedience.  I can’t help myself…it’s not my fault…it was my sinful forefathers!! Time for a reality check!!

Those sinful patterns don’t have to be repeated… we all have a choice how we choose to live our lives.  I came from a fairly messed up home…and my ancestry is littered with trainwreck after trainwreck.  Sure I could pull out the “generational  excuse card”…but it’s merely an excuse.  I have drawn the line in the sand…and through the power of  God working through me I must surrender daily to my sinful desires.

Parents, students..or whoever else may read this blog – don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re shackled with the same unavoidable choices.

We all have a choice. I don’t care where you are from or what people around you have done or are doing.  Remember that although faith is personal…it’s also not private – and therefore we must keep in mind that it doesn’t mysteriously trickle down from generation to generation.  We must choose!! .

Her are some questions you may want to discuss as a family;

Think:

• Can God use me (my family) in spite of my (our) family background?
• How can my life beam God’s love into my family/friends?
• Have I made family excuses (generational sin) for my lack of faith and obediance to Gods call in my life?

Pastor G <><<

REAL WORLD Parent Newsletter

Contents

1. Tools for Parenting Teens
2. Learn Their Lingo
3. Links to Learn From
4. A Little Encouragement…And Humor

1. Tools for Parenting Teens

From http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/

Self-Control

None of us like to say “no” to ourselves, and that might go double for teenagers. Facing the strongest appetites of their lives, a natural urge toward independence, and pressure from peers to go along with the crowd, the ability…
Read More:
http://www.realworldparents.com/starters/article/self-control/

Featured Resource: Boundaries with Teens

In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.

http://www.realworldparents.com/store/item/boundaries_with_teens/

2. Learn Their Lingo

Bootsie = Something undesirable

Bamboozled = to get tricked or decieved

4. Links to Learn From

Question To Ask
http://www.youthspecialties.com/blog/2009/question-to-ask/

Pastor “Daddy”: Juggling Ministry and Fatherhood
http://www.youthspecialties.com/blog/2009/pastor-daddy/

Media Multitaskers: “Suckers for Irrelevancy”
http://www.realworldparents.com/blog/article/media_multitaskers_suckers_for_irrelevancy/

5. A Little Encouragement…And Humor

When you wholeheartedly adopt a “with all your heart” attitude and go out with the positive principle, you can do incredible things.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Desiring an Elijah Experience

“Then he (Elijah) was told, Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by. A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasnt in the wind, after the wind an earthquake, but God wasnt in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasnt in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.” –  1 Kings 19: 11-12.The Message.

I’m drowning….no not in water…but by the busyness of life and new a new ministry vocation.

One of our underlying principles at Centre Street Church focuses on & around “PURSUING GOD”.  I really don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job in pursuing God in my own life…so how do I challenge leaders, students and  families to do the same?

The fact is…is that noise can be both good and bad. As Im writing this I’m sitting in my home office…contemplating many ministry initiatives while listening to Skillet blaring in my ear…so you get the idea of good and bad noise. It’s easy to beat ourselves up…and think somehow because we are bombarded with noise that God is somehow disappointed with us.  I believe that even in the midst of the craziness…He loves us passionately… God is proud of us. He loves us and wants the best for us.

In recently hearing Phil Vischer (The Co-creator of Veggie Tales)he states that It was “more about God and me than my Big Idea”. That vision was more based on revelation than on purpose statements. When people dont depend upon God the vision ceases. Proverbs 29:18a says,”Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint.”

With Thanksgiving weekend behind us… may we be people of revelation, basing that revelation on Gods Word and listening to Gods noise rather than our own. God is the audience we are to be pleasing.